A Part Timer's Story
I had only two months prior undergone a thyroidectomy, a last resort to a genetic disease that myself and my partner had coincidentally suffered from. Graves Disease, a largely unknown hyper-thyroid disorder, had reaped misery and darkness in our life's since our teenage years, and especially during each of my father and mother's passings in my 30's. Having battled through so much, leading up to the surgery, I had vowed that it would mark a new start in life.
And with great synchronicity, an old friend got in touch, Professor Stephen Thompson. During the final stages of my degree, as my much esteemed mentor, he had encouraged me to pursue a Masters at the Royal College of Art. I was unsuccessful in winning a place and with my father finally being able to retire, I had opted out of academia entirely, instead joining the workforce, swept into the growing digital revolution. But 18 years later, Steve had encouraged me to do the same; this time in my home town of Cardiff where he now taught, in the midst of starting 'Design Futures' at Masters level.
Having been pre-warned by a previous student of the roller-coaster ride a Masters brings, I had laughed at her exaggeration, excited and welcomed by a new journey against the monotonous cycle of just 'surviving'. How completely true she had been, as I now enter the third and final module of what has truly been a life changing experience.
As I have learnt in my studies, to understand humanity means going back in time, to understand the history that would come to define who we have become. The Masters opened up a whole library of knowledge, from great philosophers and theorists, both past and present, presenting subjects that average modern man is otherwise ignorant to. I had inadvertently opened up a huge can of worms with my subject, diving into topics that ranged from history, philosophy, sociology, economics and politics. I'd felt overloaded with the sheer wealth of information, as well as my growing booklist. Just a simple sentence can become a breadcrumb leading to another thought, and then another. And in the growing panic of getting the 'thesis' in the work, I had lost sight, countless times, of the premise of my subject.
Understanding the nature of people and Nietzsche's 'nihilistic' man, had also drawn me into my own isolated space, frustrated with people's moans and complaints over trivial matters, as we spiral into human extinction. I had become an emotional wreck, even more disenfranchised by Capitalism and it's Agency, along with it's blind commodity-hungry masses.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given by Steve was to calm down and take my time; time I was fortunate to have as a part-timer. Thank goodness. The two years has allowed me to digest information and then to reflect upon what I've read without a sense of panic. Reading has refreshingly confirmed many of the points I have been illustrating in my argument, and that in itself has calmed me, becoming critically thinking rather than reactionary. I felt relieved knowing that there are others who share the same concerns, and I'd been inspired by their theories of progression for change. Time has also allowed me to watch on as fellow full-time peers exhibited their completed work and for me to grow excited at the prospect of exhibiting my own.
Another brilliant piece of advice Steve had given me was to write my book in a Dickensian style, having myself as the main character; with an old-fashioned name like mine, it would be a clever parody to describe our unchanging times.
Looking back at history has meant looking back at my own past, discovering again the person I was before the drudgery of adult life and its burdens. As such, I have gained a deeper understanding of my family's history with the knowledge I now have. And in return, I have a much deeper understanding of myself. Writing my book has been heavy and intense. The process has drawn me further inside myself as I lose myself in memories, joyful or painful reminders that seem as clear as day, as if they had occurred only recently. It is an experience I'd describe as almost like time travelling. At times I can even smell the same aromas or hear the same echoes from my childhood. Most profoundly, I have re-discovered my passion for creative writing again, something I thought was lost in all the years of just writing mechanical 'code'. When I am not writing, I am lost in thought. I now ache for every opportunity to write in my book, and the world of 9-5 mundaneness, 5 days a week, just seems an even harder task to 'act' in.
As I head towards the nearing finish line, I feel sad that this little journey is coming to an end. But I hope it will not be the end to academia as I look towards starting a PhD in the near future. Nevertheless, I will not ever stop writing again.
It will be 20 years this year, since graduating from UWCN in Caerleon with a BA (Hons) in Design Futures, and it will be a fitting year to also mark my Masters completion in the same subject. I have always said that it is never too late to do anything in life, and this experience has invigorated me to pursue my passion, and to become the person I feel I was meant to be...
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